My Story - How purest gem came to be

I preface this post by saying that I don't like to refer to myself as a victim. This is a life experience and situation that I know many other people can relate to. I certainly continue to learn and grow from these experiences and hope to resonate with other women (or men) in similar circumstances. It took some pain and suffering to get me to where I am now, and although I wish I could redo some things in my past, I have taken the steps to begin rebuilding what I have lost and continue to heal. I choose to turn my pain into power and trauma into transformation. 

Who we choose to invite into our lives can have very life-changing impacts. In some cases, these villians weren't even invited and somehow still cause destruction. My relationship choices are now major life lessons; lessons that I continue to face to this day. There is a lack of awareness surrounding narcissistic abuse, specifically, and it is important that we open up the conversation and start addressing it more. Education and support is the key to recognizing the red flags and making real change. Part of my advocacy is sharing my passion for designing custom apparel aimed at personal growth and overcoming abusive relationships, among other interests.

It's important to have an open mind and open heart for those who may actually be hurting and are in real emotional pain at this very moment, or have been. There are reasons why we didn't “just leave” sooner.  There are reasons why we got caught up in the first place. There are reasons why we didn't ask for help. There are reasons. But that doesn't give anyone the right to hurt you. You never truly know what a person is going through unless you’ve been in their shoes and fully understand the cycle of abuse. It is so much more complex than people realize, and, so very common everywhere you turn.

I always prided myself in being a strong, independent and wise young woman, but when it came to men and relationships, I failed at picking 'the one’ quite often, it appears. I was attracted to someone with more of an edge; the one who would keep me on my toes and bring more excitement to my life. Unexpectedly, nothing could prepare me for the real cycle of abuse that I would endure in one relationship, though. A cycle filled with ongoing manipulation, control, lies, hyper criticism, volatility, rage, disrespect, severe lack of empathy, financial abuse, cheating and more. But it can't be all bad things, right?  Of course not. There was an abundance of love-bombing, affection, words of affirmation, future-faking, promises, gifts, and so on.  Soon enough, this cycle led me to lose myself entirely within just two years. By the end, I didn't recognize myself anymore. It was as if my identity and well-being had been entirely stripped away. There was nothing left in me but a shell of who I once was, filled with tears and heartache, confusion, depression, anxiety and fear. Was this how my life was supposed to be? Living in such highs and lows, essentially a one-sided relationship that feels like a prison with a con artist?  No.   

Now at 36-years-old and a single mother of a toddler, I can stand here and say that this cycle of narcissistic abuse can be avoided -or- broken when you: 1) Have a strong support system to educate and help you (and I mean really help you, mentally and physically) through these difficult times, and very importantly,  2) Truly focus on yourself: your self-esteem, self-worth, master strengths, meaning, purpose, accomplishments and positive relationships with others. When you have people to lean on and when you regain your authentic self, you start to see through the BS you've been put through over and over again, and won’t tolerate the rollercoaster rides of their drama filled life much longer. Unfortunately, many of us have to experience ongoing abuse (abuse that is not always physical, I must mention - and the mental/emotional abuse hurts much more, in my opinion) before we finally understand what is happening to us ('delayed realization'), reach our breaking point and want to be free of that trauma bond for good. It took me to have a child and experience ongoing betrayal, abuse and neglect to finally see the light and leave, sadly. But it's never too late. I didn't have just myself to worry and care about anymore. My baby was depending on me. 

On average it takes a woman 7x to leave an abusive relationship for good.  It may take some time to free yourself and wake up from the web you’ve been spun in, too, especially if you have children, but when you do, you will breathe a lot easier than you ever did before. Healing is a part of the journey - it takes a lot of time.  It’s been only a few years out for me, and I still find myself in very weak moments. Narcissistic rage, smear campaigns, triangulation, lies, PTSD, among other issues, certainly do not help. That's why staying 'No Contact' is critical in these moments. If you cannot cut off all contact for legal purposes, remain brief, focused on facts, information, and nothing more. Boundaries are critical. Focus on what really matters now - your well-being & inner peace without the abuser and your child(ren)’s health and happiness. I firmly believe a child raised in a healthy single parent household is more stable and happy than growing up in the home of a very abusive relationship.   

This is how purest gem came to be - I enjoy sharing my passions with you through custom apparel and gifts, which is something that also gives me a sense of meaning and purpose. I hope that my shop brings you inspiration and hope. 'Turn your pain into power and your trauma into transformation'. Cheers to being just as resilient and making something of the experiences in your life, too. 




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